I Am Not Yours But I Want To Be
by xBloodyBrilliant
Summary: Seamus/Oc. Haley MacKay has grown up with Seamus all her life,and truth be told, she likes him. This year she wants to tell him her true feelings. With the help of Hermione, and maybe the guys too...can love happen? R
1. Just Friends

_**A little Author's Note**_

_**This is a Seamus/OC pairing. OK...The girl Haley MacKay, is my own character I made up for the sake of Seamus..aww me. She is the same age as him, Gryffindor, only she's part Scottish, Irish, and a little French(has a bit of a Scottish accent) It's told in 'mostly' past tense in her (not POV). Just so you know, they have know each other since they were kids, but this year Haley feels like there's something more. (this year is year 7 but Voldemort is still alive, & Harry/Ron/Hermione are still at school))Anyways hope you like and if any questions, just talk to me...ok, here we go **_

Day Dreams 

_Beginnings didn't always start out easy did they? You had to fight for a bit to get what you wanted...yes? Well then how come it was so hard?_

16 year old Haley MacKay thought. _How hard was it to get the attention of the guy you liked? The boy you had know since you were younger._

She sat up off the couch in the Common room. It was deserted, the way she liked it. This way she could focus on her thoughts without interruption. She set her Charms homework down. There would be no point trying to finish it now, she was too into her, as most people would say"crush". She pulled out her rough draft of poems that she wrote in her spare time. The one she was currently writing was entitled "_I Am Not Yours"._ She glanced around once more checking for anyone that may be listening, and then read

_I am not yours, not lost in you,_

_Not lost, although I long to be_

_Lost as a candle lit at noon,_

_Lost as a snow-flake in the sea._

_You love me, and I find you still_

_A spirit beautiful and bright,_

_Yet I am, who long to be-_

Someone cut her off

_-Lost as a light is lost in light._

_Oh plunge me deep in love—put out_

_My senses, leave me deaf and blind,_

_Swept by the tempest of your love,_

_A taper in a rushing wind_

She looked over the couch to see who it was and gasped. It was Seamus Finiggin, or better know as the guy she was totally in love with. Her frightened gasp made his usually hard features soften.

"_Surprised I can actually read?_" He smirked at her playfully. She rolled her eyes at him teasingly.

"_No, not really, but how did you know the words...I mean cuz I wrote it?"_ It was now him who looked surprised, as she started at him inquisitively.

"_You left it down here dey other night. I thought it'd be o-k_" he glanced down, his cheeks turning pinkish. Haley giggled. At least she made him blush.

Seamus took note of her laugh and looked up, trying to compose himself.

"_What you laughin' at MacKay" _Haley shook her head with a smirk but he frowned.

Haley was suddenly confused

"_Seamus-"_ she asked puzzledly as he glanced at her.

_"Ohh...nuttin, just thinkin" _he replied normally _"but I think im gonna call it a nite...cya Ley"_ he smiled at her nickname, and then turned towards the dormitory stairs. And then, he was gone.

"_Night Seamus"_ she mumbled to herself.

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Sunlight was glinting through the almost snow covered window by the time Haley woke up. She groaned. She had never really liked mornings, the whole waking up thing was such a hassle. She stretched and threw back the covers.

Now that she was seemingly awake, she thought more of Seamus's behavior last night. Was he mad at her? No..she didn't think so. Maybe he had found a girlfriend and didn't want to tell her. She choked on the thought, and looked at her watch. 7:15. Thank god it was Saturday.

She lolled back onto the bed, and stared at the ceiling. She barley noticed Hermione walk towards her bed. "_Hey Haley"_ Hermione said softly but clearly. _"Are you planning anything today?"_ Haley sat up with a start but quickly became confused. Sure she had talked to Hermione every now and then but, she wasn't someone she hung around with. Plus Hermione was always with Harry Potter and her newest boyfriend Ron, so they didn't have a lot in common.

Hermione seemed to have picked up on her confusion._ "I was just wondering- I mean...we don't hang around much so I though maybe you'd-" _Haley interupted her _"Ok-I'll be ready in a few"_ she got off the bed and walked past a now confused Hermione.

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Haley was ready in less time then thought possible, and soon her and Hermione where making their way out onto the snowy grounds. Haley was quite cheerful now. She loved seeing snow, as they didn't get much back home. _"Nice scenery eh?"_ she asked Hermione, who was, by the looks of it, not enjoying it at all.

"_It's alright"_ she stated cooly through her plaid scarf.

They didn't speak until they came to the bridge, then Hermione turned to her _"So..?"_ she said looking at her skeptical. Haley looked more confused _"But you're the one who wanted to go for the walk...what are you saying? You brought me out here for nothin'?"_Haley folded her arms across her chest. Hermione lowered her head shamefully

"_Ok..you caught me. I wanted to talk to you about ...Seamus"_

_**Thought I'd end there..to see if you guys liked...anyways I must give props to Sara Teasedale for the poem "I'm not yours"**_. **Stay tuned though...next chappie is called "One Step Closer"**


	2. One Step Closer

**Author's Note**

**Sorry this took so long to put up. I've been kinda busy, but hopefully I'll I have some free time now..**

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**One Step Closer**

"_Ok...you caught me. I wanted to talk to you about ...Seamus."_

Haley felt her jaw tighten in a hard frown. She had a feeling she knew what this was about now. Why else would Hermione want to have a conversation about Seamus with her? How much did she know?

"_W-What about him?" _Haley asked, trying her best to sound uninterested.

Rubbing her hands together absentmindedly, Hayley shivered as a cool breeze began to drift around them. Even still, she noticed that her breathing was becoming heavier.

_**Maybe it's not about me liking Seamus after all, maybe this is about something totally different. Maybe...**_

Hermione took in a sharp breath and looked at Haley, a guilty smile now dancing upon her lips.

"_I know that this is none of my business but-_" Hermione paused momentarily, _"Do you like him- er..Seamus I mean?"_

_**Damn..I knew it **_

Haley blushed almost instantly.

"_Erm..I..." _

Her heart fluttered rapidly inside her chest_. _She had no way to avoid it now.

"_Haley?"_ Hermione asked, concern present in her voice.

For a short minute of silence, neither of the girls said anything, until Haley sighed reluctantly.

"_Yeah..I-I.. do" _she choked.

_**Why did I tell her?**_

Turning herself so that she was no longer facing Hermione, Haley ran her hand across the ledge of the bridge. The frozen water beneath her seemed to sparkle and Haley frowned as her heart settled back into its natural rhythm.

She had never told anyone before, and now, _Hermione_ of all people, a girl she hardly knew. She scowled in spite of herself.

A sudden shriek of joy from Hermione startled Haley.

Haley spun around staring, eyes wide in surprise and confusion.

But Hermione just grinned.

"_I'm Sorry. Oh, this is just wonderful. I must tell-.." _

Haley froze. Her heart began pounding frantically again.

_**Tell who? What if she tells him!**_

Haley gasped. Would Hermione really do that? She bit her lip as Hermione began to drift closer back to the school grounds.

_**I can't let her.**_

Acting quickly, Haley grabbed Hermione by the shoulders.

"_No, please, promise you won't say anything to him" _Haley begged

_**If he found out..well it would just be too awkward**_

Her eyes pleaded with Hermione's until Hermione gave a weak nod and Haley withdrew her hands. Haley gave a sigh of relief and grinned.

"_Thank you, Hermione"_

Hermione smiled back, but then slowly put a finger to her lips.

"_You know, if I can't tell him, I think you should" _she raised an eyebrow at Haley, _"I mean, how else do you expect him to know?"_

Haley pursed her lips, her mouth parted in a slight frown. Then she shook her head doubtfully, and crossed her arms over her chest.

_**She does have a point but I can't..**_

"_No. I'm pretty sure he only thinks of me as a friend, it would be awkward afterwards if I told him."_

"_Are you sure he only thinks of you as a friend?" _Hermione's eyes began to sparkle with delight,

"_Well anyways, if your not going to tell him, we'll get him to tell you"_

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**_Sorry if that chapter wasn't that long. =P_**

**_R&R_**


	3. Contemplation and Inside Help

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Wish I did. Don't.**

**Haley is an original character created by myself.**

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Chapter 3

Contemplation and Inside Help

**xxxxx**

Haley was seated in an askew of covers, her unmade bedspread laid out awkwardly beneath her. Her head was hung low and her entertwined hands were rested firmly in her lap. Her eyelids were drawn shut over her pale blue eyes and her mouth seemed to wear a sort of twisted half smile. Long brown hair dangled loosely in front of her face, casting a slight, illusory shadow over her still features. If it hadn't been for the fact that her eyes would open to flicker about the room every so often, one might have guessed she was asleep.

However, despite the dormancy of her appearance, Haley was actually quite awake. Her mind was racing with various thoughts but only the image of one Irish boy managed to hold her full interest.

Seamus.

It had been exactly three days since the confrontation with Hermione and Haley, who hadn't received any form of contact with the girl prior to their first encounter, was slightly agitated. Although she had been left with a promise they would meet again Saturday, she still wasn't sure what to think. Minor details had been vaguely hinted at during their conversation, but she really had no idea of what to expect. As long as it didn't involve a declaration of love, she was convinced that it couldn't be to bad. Haley sighed furtively, a small moan escaping from her lips.

"Geez, this is mental. Where is she?"

Her words seemed to echo loudly across the silent room and Haley found herself glancing around nervously. Luckily for her the dormitory was completely deserted, as her room mates appeared to have gone down for breakfast. She sighed heavily and let her head fall slack against her pillow, her eyes drawn closed again. A slight creak erupted sharply from from the worn mattress of her four poster bed at the sudden impact.

**Maybe it would have been better not to tell her at all.**

It wasn't as though she was angry with Hermione, annoyed maybe, but she had good reason to be. She didn't know Hermione all that well and so it was only natural that she felt unable to trust her fully. One could never be to careful with people anymore, especially with Death Eaters lurking at every turn. However, to assume the worst from someone like Hermione was quite repugnant.

She was one of the most trusted, not to mention smartest students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and as far as Haley knew, was working along side the Weasley boy in order to help Harry Potter thwart the Dark Lord's plans. If anyone out there had a chance of stopping He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, then it was those three. They may not have been as qualified as most Auror's and such, but they had escaped his evil clutches for years, so it was quite hard for one to suspect them as being in the wrong.

Taking a deep breath of air, Haley allowed the much needed oxygen to fill her lungs. The motion seemed to sooth her sharp anxiety and only when she finally exhaled, did Haley proceed to stand up.

"I suppose I'll just go and find her," she tried to mutter as calmly as she could, though a hint of distaste still managed to sound in her low voice.

Pushing up off the bed, Haley sauntered towards the old closet residing to the left of her bed. The wardrobe seemed to cry out in protest as she pulled on the brass knob open, but she took no mind to it. Every morning was the same, so it was something she had gotten accustomed to.

Tossing various items of clothing onto her bed, Haley finally managed to settle upon on a combination she liked.

**xxx**

Quickly and quietly, her legs carried her throughout the corridors of the castle. Her dark hair bounced freely off her shoulders as she went, cascading swiftly behind her. At first glance, it might have appeared as though she was flying however, to Haley, it was hardly noticed. Her quick pace had started into a run as she descended down the last flight of stairs and she glanced around lividly as her foot reached the last step.

Large groups of students were now spilling noisily out from the Great Hall as Haley gave a feeble attempt in order to push herself past the flowing crowd.

"Bloody-"

As if on cue, Hermione appeared with Harry and Ron tailing close behind her. Hermione flashed Haley a wide smile as they approached. Haley surveyed the boys skeptically as they stopped; her expression clearly clouded. Hermione seemed to catch onto this.

" Sorry about not meeting you, there was abit of a change in our plans. I decided upon finding us some **inside help** instead," she nodded pointedly towards Harry and Ron before continuing.

"They've agreed to help me get you and Seamus together!"

**_xxxx_**

**_AN: R&R!_**

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